Halo 23
by ranbo7
Summary: A guy named John is on route to the second Halo. On his way, he encounters several mishaps, which set him back, and eventually lead to his overall outcome of sarcasticness.


My first story on this site. Hope you enjoy it.

Data logEntry#16590

We've been on this ship for days. I've been thinking that we will be stuck in this ship until I die. I've been waiting and waiting... It's pretty boring. I hate it.

Data log Entry#16591

Finally I heard we were gonna land... I still wish we would run into some action, however I got a letter from my mom, and apparently she's really worried about me. I wrote her back, and told her we haven't had any action yet.

Data logEntry#16592

The pilot says he can't find a safe place to land. It sucks. I've been in here for days, and I haven't taken a shower yet.

Data log Entry#16593

Heard news over the radio that there's a second Halo next to earth. Also heard that Master Chief is heading over there. Stupid Spartans. They screw our lives up. I wish I could go with them all, however my chief and the pilot are debating whether we should fight on earth or go to the Halo 2.

Datat log Entry#16594

Apparently, we are aborting the mission on earth. The reason is because the Covenant have three more scarabs honing in on our position, and, not to mention those damn brutes.

Data log Entry#16595

We're almost at the secon Halo! I can't wait to see some action, so I can quit writing in this journal once a week. Our captain sent some of our troops out with tanks to go fight the scarabs on earth. I volunteered, but didn't get picked, and I am glad now, because they never came back... Our captain let some of the Covenant traitors ( Called heretics ) onto our ship, but I don't trust them. Plus, I don't like the fact that the Covenant heretics are all naked, 'cause they show their things off ALL of the time. Our captain says fuck, and shit, and duck a lot... I also like to eat chicken, 'cause it's my favorite food.

John's Data log Entry#16601

I finally found out how to customize my data log entries to my name! HOwever, this might be my last data log entry, cause im going into war, which is why im writing so fast.. Ive bene drafted, so I'll be expected to go to the battlefront in the morrning.

John's Data log Entry#16602

recording : Aaaaaaaaaaahh! Holy crap! Shit! They're everywhere! Take this MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! gun shots Aaaaahh! My arm! They got my ARM!! Damnit!! Damnit alll! It hurts like hell!! I know I'm gonna die in this filthy blood stained land, so I just wanted to say that... I love you mom. Oh, and, yes, I am gonna die a virgin after all just like you wanted long pause damnit! He found me!! AAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! squirting sound alien language : ha ha ha!!! Die like the scum you are!! Now! I eat you slurps, crunching of bone MMMMMmmmmmmm.... You good!! Nice and soft! Just like prophets say!! Ha ha ha!!!

note: if you actually read this whole thing, then you're one of four things: 1. a nerd 2. a Halo 2 fan freak ( me!) 3. a pervert 4. a girl... just kidding about #4.

"What the hell was that?" Master Chief said."That was the datalog of a marine called Johnson. You remember him?""Yes" Master Chief said." He was accompanying me with the destruction of the first Halo." "God damn Covenant! If there was only some way that we could destroy all five of the Halos, and somehow save earth from the blast." a marine walks in. He looks like a nerd. Very smart." There might be a way to do that.""Who the hell are you?" Master Chief says." Why, I'm Sergeant nutty fudgekins."Mater Chief:"So, Nutty, how can we stop the Covenant."" Well, according to the Data log, we can tow the half-worlds to the source of the Covenant. Their homeworld."" That's impossible!", General Wang says." Nothing is impossible, General. We just need every single ship to focus on this one project. We need them to activate their jump space generators all at the same time, which will create enough force to propel one of the Halos to the Covenant home world, which we have just found the location of, thanks to Cortana.""Where the hell is she? Right now?" Master Chief says." Well, I guess she's where she needs to be. Remember, she's able to transport herself through the radio waves at her own will. She'll be here when we need her." " Fine." Master Chief says." The only way we could get one of the Halos to blow up is if we get a massive marine team to recover the index on each one, and place it in the core." The General says." That's where I come in." Says Master Chief." I can do it alone. I can blow up each Halo, and make it in time for lunch." "You're crazy, Master Chief! You can't do it alone! You'll need atleast a team of fifteen men!"" No. Just give me three Spartans. I don't care who. I might just need backup.Maybe. But, the fact is, I'm gonna finish this war! With or without help!"" Fine, Master Chief, you got it! We'll give you three Spartans. But that's all we can spare.

"I can do it." Master Chief says."Just give me a ship." " Shit, man! Just three men! You got your ship!" "Just give me one day to rest." the next day, Master Chief mastrobated all day, cumming all over his bed. The longer he went, the longer it hurt, but the better it felt as he achieved about fifty orgasims. His eyes were wide like an owl, he was sweating all over. " Ooooooooohhhhhhhh Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh! I need it! I want it! Keep going! Yeeeessssssss! OOOOOOOOooooohhhhh! AAaaaaaaahhhhhhh! It feels so good! Yes!" He kept it going all day, until around 9:15 P.M.. After he was done having fun, Master Chief said,"Man, I wish I could get laid. Only one time would do. Just once, then Master Chief could serve his purpose."I'm ready" He said, his hand shrivelled from the lotion he had used. As he rose his shaking hand, he thought about his extremely painful thing in his pants." Where are the Spartans?" He demanded." They're waiting for you on the ship. Oh, and next time when you beat off, don't make so much noise. You interupted nap time." Master Chief said nothing, and took long, shaky strides to the huge human ship. As he entered, he took a long, hard look, and took in the sorry sight for Spartans these few people were. However, there was one person he recognized. It was Spartan George, one of Master Chief's few friends. He shut the airlock door, and said,"I need a weapon."


End file.
